To: Ron
From: F&G
Re: Re: Harry. Ginny

Bugger.

To: Gryffindor Tower (All)
From: Fred & George Weasley
Re: Our Little Sister
URGENT: Anyone seen Ginny?

To: Fred & George Weasley
From: Ron
Re: Re: Our Little Sister

Well?

To: Ickle Ronniekins
From: Fred & George Weasley
Re: Re: Re: Our Little Sister

Nothing. Nada. Zip.

She’s probably in Hogsmeade already. Yeah. Like a regular Weasley would, leading us on to think she’s snogging Harry, when actually she’s laughing her ass off at us.

She’d do that to us.

-F&G

To: Fred & George Weasley
From: Ron
Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Our Little Sister

Delusional, much?

Think back, dear brothers, to our sister’s FIRST Valentines Day at Hogwarts.

Now, tell me, if you were Ginny, what would YOU do?

Drive your brothers insane with innuendo

Snog Harry, and drive your brothers insane.

Well?

-Ron

To: Fred & George Weasley
From: Lee Jordan
Re: Re: Our Little Sister
Just popped by the area of the photo shoot. Very secure, and Dumbledore himself said that only authorized people are allowed in, to protect Harry and crew’s dignity.

Tell me, what kind of dignity can a man have if his bits are being splattered across hundreds of thousands of calendars for sales worldwide?

What am I missing?

-Lee

To: Lee Jordan
From: Fred & George Weasley
Re: Re: Re: Our Little Sister

Just a guess, but probably another 2 in.

– Gred & Forge

To: Harry Potter
From: Snuffles the Adorable Grim
CC: Mooney
Re: Photo-Daze

So, Harry, how’d it go?

To: Snuffles
From: R. Lupin
CC: Harry Potter
Re: Re: Photo-Daze

They only just started taking pictures, you git. It’s scarcely past morning tea. I expect this will be a near full day for Harry.

But, that’s beside the point… the “Adorable Grim”? What kind of flowers ARE you sniffing?

-Remus

To: Moony
From: Snuffles the Adorable Grim
CC: My Godson
Re: Re: Re: Photo-Daze

What? I’m a cute dog. I have it on good authority!

Harry- I’m not at all frightening, am I? I mean, I’m lovable as a stray mutt, right?

– Snuffles

To: Snuffles
From: R. Lupin
CC: Harry Potter
Re: Re: Re: Re: Photo-Daze

You’re the size of a small pony, and you think you’re a cuddly little fluff-ball? Obviously your meals have been laced with something lately.

– Remus

To: Moony
From: Snuffles
CC: Harry Potter
Re: PMS, Much?

Let me guess, it’s that time of the month for you?

– Snuffles

To: Remus Lupin, Snuffles
From: Harry Potter
Re: Re: PMS, Much?

Kids, each to your corner. I’m on lunch break and at the rate your going, my Mmailbox will start sending me Howlers.

Snuffles: Ginny says that you’re an adorable animal when you’re clean. Since the last time you had a bath you were a free man…

Remus: Don’t taunt the dog. He’s not had his shots.

Now, if you don’t mind, I’m prancing around in little more than a towel, I’ve just wolfed down some food. (No pun intended, Remus), and I’m off to do the dragon shot. Once today’s done, I’m going down to Hogsmeade and getting utterly plastered on Butterbeers and Firewhiskey. Only then do I think I’ll be able to blot out the memory of this day.

How DO I get myself into these situations?

Harry

I mocked Voldemorter
Ask me how!
To: Harry Potter
From: Snuffles
CC: Moony
Re: Re: PMS, Much?
Hey, Harry,

How did you mock Voldemort?

To: Snuffles
From: Harry Potter
CC: Moony
Re: Re:Re: PMS, Much?
My last Mmail, then I’m back to posing all nekkid and stuff.

First, I sent my beloved enemy:

“Oooh, I tink I taw a bid bad Moldiemort!
I DiD, I DiD
I Did tee a bid bad Moldiemort!”

Most recently, however:

“There once was a stinker named Voldie
His breath, it smelled kinda moldy
He’s oh-so greedy
He’s tried to kill me
But failed cuz his head is so hole-y”

I’m thinking about doing a book of poems: Mockeries of a Dark Lord.

Snazzy title, hmm?

– Harry

I Mocked Voldemort
Ask me how!

To: Harry Potter
From: Remus Lupin
CC: Snuffles
Re: Mockeries of a Dark Lord
If that doesn’t kill him, I don’t know what will.

– Moony

To: Harry Potter
From: Snuffles
CC: Moony
Re: Re:Re: Re: PMS, Much?
sniffle – I love you kid. Really. Can I have an autographed copy?

Snuffles the Sniffling

To: Harry Potter
From: Lord Voldemort
Re: Re:Re: Your Terms

I loathe you Potter.

L.V.

To: Ginny Weasley
From: Your Brothers
Re: Today
Where are you?

To: My Brothers
To: Prats United
From: Ginny Weasley
Re: Re:Today
Obviously somewhere else. Mum says “Hi!”

-Ginny

To: Ron
From: Ginny Weasley
Re: Re:Lunch

Ron, what a lovely idea. I only wish I had received this Mmail say, yesterday. I’ve got plans today, brother dear, including lunch with Mum.

Maybe next time?

– Ginny

To: Harry Potter Fans
From: The President of the Unofficial Harry Pottery Fanclub
Re: The Calendar
Photos have been going VERY well. The photographer is quite excellent, and the poses are simply stunning.

This calendar will be our BEST piece ever! The Harry Potter morning-wakeup call is peanuts next to this!

My sincerest thanks to all contributors for their artistic work, their quotations and more in putting this project together. It is a tribute to our love for our hero, and a fine statement to his sexiness.

With that in mind, it is with great regret that I resign from my position as President of Harry’s fan club. This club represents some of the best years I’ve had at Hogwarts. I wish you much success in future endeavors.

-Ginny Weasley

To: Lord Moldiemort
From: Harry Potter
Re: Re: Re: Re: Your Terms
Love you too!

HP
“There once was a restored Dark Wizard
Whose fondness for otheres rested only in lizards
He was such a drag
That his conquest was bagged
And now he’s just stranded out in a lonely blizzard”

To: Ginny
From: Ron
Re: Re: Lunch

I wish I’d known Mum and you were meeting for lunch. Next time, I WILL remember to Mmail a day before.

Thanks, Gin. We were all worried that you were hanging off of Harry while he’s prancing around in the buff.

– Ron

To: Ron Weasley
From: Charlie Weasley
Re: Hey, you…
Why weren’t you around for the photo-shoot? You could have had lunch with Mum, Ginny and I. Harry, understandably, made himself scarce for lunch. I’m amazed he’s doing this with all the dignity he’s shown thus far.

The charms to protect the guys modesty are fantastic. It seriously looks like they’re wearing the Moldiemort robes. Very cool. And, as for Harry, Sally says the camera is reporting him very deliciously. Poor git.

– Charlie

To: Charlie Weasley
From: Ron Weasley
Re: Re: Hey, you…

GINNY WAS WITH YOU AT THE PHOTO SHOOT?

To: Fred & George Weasley
From: Ron Weasley
FW: Hey, you…

Ginny was out gallivanting around with her nekkid hero. So much for her presumed innocence. Someone find a unicorn, hmm?

– Ron

To: Susan Bones
From: Lavender Brown
Re: Ginny’s quitting!
Word is, Ms. Weasley was snogging with Harry at the photo-shoot. I wonder if she managed to check out those measurements for accuracy?

Lavender

To: Parvati Patil
From: Padma Patil
Re: Ginny’s Quitting!
Rumor has it she and Harry were seen snogging on the Quidditch Pitch… and he was ‘dressed’ for the photos! That might explain her sudden retirement, yes?

Your Sister

To: Colin Creevey
From: Padma Patil
Re: Ginny
Bad luck, squirt. Ginny IS involved with Harry. I guess this entire upcoming game has made him see her in a new light. Go figure. I thought HE was the one all exposed.

– Padma

To: Neville Longbottom
From: Colin Creevey
Re: Ginny & Harry
Who’s going to tell HER brothers?

– Colin

To: Colin Creevey
From: Neville & Trevor
Re: Re: Ginny & Harry
Tell her brothers WHAT?!

Nev

To: Neville Longbottom
From: Colin Creevey
Re: Re:Ginny & Harry
Oops. Harry and Ginny were getting it on on the Quidditch Pitch earlier today.

– Colin

To: Colin Creevey
From: Neville & Trevor
Re: Re: Re: Re: Ginny & Harry
NO WAY! I am certainly not brave enough to tell ANY of the Weasley’s THAT one!

I like my nose unbroken!

Nev

To: Seamus Finnigan, Dean Thomas
From: Neville & Trevor
Re: Watch your P & Q’s
Apparently, Harry has finally noticed the fair Weasley demoiselle. That means war between him and Ron once the Weasley’s all find out about what was happening on the Quidditch pitch today.

Neville

To: Harry Potter
From: Dean Thomas
Re: YOU and GINNY?
Hey, man… just heard the news. Congrats. So, just how “get it on” did you “get it on” at the Quidditch Pitch today?

Dean

P.S. Ron will NEVER hear about this from me! It’s in Gringotts, man.

To: Ginny Weasley
From: Padma Patil
Re: YOU and HARRY!
Oh my GOSH! I just heard about YOU and Harry! And on the Quidditch Pitch! So, tell me, is he all of those 13 centimeters? And, what DOES he look like under those robes?

You lucky girl! See, dreams DO come true!

– Padma

To: Harry Potter
From: Ginny Weasley
Re: The Quidditch Pitch
According to various people, I’m given to understand I jumped you or you jumped ME on the Quidditch Pitch. Where was I when this was going on?

Ginny

To: Ginny Weasley
From: The now-attired Harry Potter
Re: Re:The Quidditch Pitch
Damned if I know. The only thing that involves the world “on,” “jump,” and “Quidditch Pitch” that involves me and today was a dragon or three. Any other less bodily damaging activities seem to have passed me by entirely.

You do realize if your brothers get wind of the rumor mill, the Harry Potter Nekkid calendar will be produced posthumously. I hope you can put a good word in at my funeral.

-HP

To: Harry Potter
From: Ginny Weasley
Re: Posthumous
Seems a pity, then… you going to your grave for snogging me (or more) and never having done the deed. Seems to me if you’re going to be accused for something and judged you should at least have the fun of having committed the ‘crime’.

– Ginny

To: Ginny Weasley
From: Harry Potter
Re: Re: Posthumous
You busy tonight?

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